Tom Cruise, The Weeknd, and the Death of Humility

Is no one embarrassed anymore??

I enjoyed the latest Mission: Impossible movie even though it is completely asinine. Keep in mind I saw it for free, was plied by the studio with complimentary popcorn and Reese’s Pieces, and sat between two friends who were as delighted by the ludicrous dialogue as I was. Surely there are no better conditions for watching such a stupid film. (I do not know if anything I wrote in my published review has been yanked out for blink-and-you-miss-them quotes on television commercials, but I would not be surprised.)

What’s so remarkable about the incoherent, nearly three-hour picture is that its thesis, if you look hard enough for one, is about the ability of individuals to overcome preposterous odds simply by willing the outcome into existence. Time and again Ethan Hunt (Mr. Thomas Mapother IV) barks out his plan, which will only work if about 15 different near-impossible actions are achieved simultaneously. As someone who can never seem to get the bluetooth in the car activated without several attempts, I did not even bother to suspend my disbelief, and simply kept the movie at an amused arm’s distance.

More importantly, at several different intervals, characters look Ethan Hunt in the eye and tell him that only he can solve the world’s problems. He is no ordinary man, he is destined for victory, because he creates the victories.

While staying optimistic in the face of obstacles is probably a good habit, there’s an almost harmful edge to this kind of thinking. If I were a pearl-clutcher I’d say Ethan Hunt’s fights atop swiftly-moving trains are part of a culture leading more kids to “subway surf” and fall to their deaths. But I don’t really believe that. Idiot teens have been daring one another to do idiot things since time began. But maybe you’ve seen stories of the “airport theory” TikTok trend, where bozos intentionally roll up to the terminal about 15 minutes before their flight, and just kinda expect to make it on time. The annoying thing is that this may even work, since airport employees will often aid latecomers, bringing them to the front of the line thinking their tardiness was due to some good faith issue, not the quest for viral content. This is a much bigger problem, because it may impact me some day as I scowl and silently rage at LaGuardia when someone else gets to cut ahead.