HOFFSTACK IN THE STACKS - Manhattan, Epiphany Library

I'm not sure I had an epiphany here, but I did find comfortable seats.

LIBRARY VISIT #3

The official page for this branch of the New York Public Library says that it serves the Gramercy area, but that’s a load of crap. This block is hardcore Kips Bay. This distinction may not mean much to out-of-towners, so I’ll lay it out.

Gramercy: rich, gorgeous, private park, Theodore Roosevelt.

Kips Bay: newly minted finance bros sharing their first apartment after graduating from U Mass, sports bars.

A photo of the Epiphany Library on East 23rd St. in New York City.

The main building dates back to 1907, and always was library. Before it was part of the NYPL, it was part of the Cathedral Library Association. If you look at the photo above, however, you’ll see that the doorway is a little more modern, as is the brick to its right. These were add-ons built in the early 1980s. That brick is actually an elevator shaft. The second floor is the children’s library and the third floor has some rooms where I’m guessing they show films and have talks, but it was roped off during my visit.

Luckily light from those windows beat out the horrible top lights most of the time. These violet colored chairs aren’t bad.

The interior, especially if you stay near the big windows, is pretty great. There’s a lot of light during the daytime. My February visit meant an early sunset, and once it was dark out, the place looked like hell from those soul-sucking overhead lights. There is another reading area behind me further inside that gets no natural light and I think I would rather hang out at a hospital. The chairs that you see in the photo are pretty comfortable, however, and there are several sprinkled throughout the whole main floor.

This is a very boring part of town, but sometimes you do get stuck here. I am happy to report that it wasn’t too crowded. As I walked in an older gentleman walked in alongside me and went straight up to the librarian to shout “do you have Closer, the Mike Nichols picture!?!!?” If you believe in the Many-Worlds Theory you would have to travel to approximately eight million universes to before you’d hear a repeat of that.

Already at the desk was a woman with several overstuffed bags from Duane Reade at her feet telling a different librarian “you don’t fuck with an artist! I’m an artist! You leave it the way I made it, or there will be problems, that’s what they need to know!!!”

Both librarians wore Covid-19 masks.

Let’s get to the HOFFSTACK IN THE STACKS FAST FACTS!

• Borough: Manhattan

• Branch: Epiphany Library

• Address: 228 East 23rd St.

• Closest Subway: 6 to 23rd St.

• Secondary Subway: R/W to 23rd St.

• Can you feel the subway rumble from time to time while seated at a desk? No.

• Is there an easily findable copy of Miguel de Cervantes’s Don Quixote? No. This is my third miss. Some might call this quest a little Quixotic!

• Does the computer system say there is supposed to be a copy of Miguel de Cervantes’s Don Quixote there? I gotta be honest with you, the NYPL’s system is annoying. For a famous book like Don Quixote there are several entries. But I don’t think there was supposed to be one.

• Was there something else that caught your eye in the Classic Lit section? Yes. Anyone with a library card can hop over to the Epiphany Library on East 23rd and grab a relatively new printing of John Dos Passos’s Manhattan Transfer.

• Have you read this book? No. I read The Good Soldier by Ford Madox Ford and I believe he and Dos Passos were friends. I don’t know why I think this, but I do and I’m not going to check. The Good Soldier was incredibly boring, sorry if anyone reading is a Ford Madox Ford fan.

• Why are you excited about the book Manhattan Transfer? Well, thanks to my father I have had the jazz vocal group The Manhattan Transfer imprinted upon me, and this is where they got their name. Their music is unbearable. My wife can not be in the same room if I play one of their songs. Nevertheless, I have fond associations with their strange, meticulously-arranged material that blends doo-wop, Brazilian beats, the smoothest of smooth jazz and “vocalese,” a curious musical footnote in which famous improvised instrumental solos are transcribed note-for-note then put to lyrics. I’m not 100% sure, but I believe the first concert I ever attended was The Manhattan Transfer at the Felt Forum. I certainly saw them at the Garden State Arts Center. I can not defend them, but if you think you are made from strong stuff, give this a whirl and get back to me.

• Are there a lot of outlets at this branch? No. Not near the freestanding chair I was in. Some (not all) of the tables had them. For a minute I felt like I needed to gas up my phone, but there weren’t any seats. There was a guy sitting at the table who was dead asleep and I didn’t want to bother him.

• They just let people sleep there? Technically you are not allowed to sleep at the library. If you have your head down, someone will tell you to wake up. But if you sit back in the chair with a book propped up as if you are reading it, they will leave you alone. This guy was pretty smart, he got the largest book he could find—a young reader’s book about what looked to be hot air balloons, and this way it kinda blocked his face. I wasn’t gonna disturb him, it was cold as hell out.

• Any interesting decorations in there? Only one thing—a poster about the DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM!

  

  Rock on, Melvil Dewey!

• Did you visit the Children’s library? Yes, and as usual just for a quick scan. Tons of kids in there, all using my tax dollars to play VIDEO GAMES. Terrible. They should be learning something. They should be learning the Dewey Decimal System!

  

  Behold the youth of today having their minds poisoned by video games, the lowest of all activities.

• How were the bathrooms? Why are you using plural? There is ONE bathroom here (for adults on the main floor), and it took three tries to get in there. When I finally got in there it stank not just of human excrement but of … cigars? Yes, someone came to the Epiphany Library, dropped a load and lit up a stogie. What a world.

Not that gross, but definitely a “hold your breath” experience. Luckily, I only needed to micturate.

• Where did you go for lunch? Kips Bay is a horror. Years ago there was a spectacular pizza place right next to the Gramercy Theatre, but it’s gone now. (That theater has been a lot of things over the years, including a rep movie house where I saw Giant in college and witnessed a screaming match when a raging man felt that a young woman’s laughter was inappropriate. “SHUT YOUR FACE!! ALL OF YOU SHUT YOUR FACES!!!” he exploded, defending the honor of Rock Hudson.) Anyway I went to Taco Bell. I am only human and I can’t resist their tacos made out of Doritos shells.